After every trauma my ocd get worse and worse. Every little thing i do become something wrong that can be dangerous for my family. Or i feel like i don’t deserve to be happy because instead would be happen something bad.
Sometimes i feel really alone and the only one that never leave me is my brain. When i was a child i talked very little. I maked friends with other kids that were super extrovert because they talked for me too, i had only to listen and follow them everywhere, but is not a good friendship.
Everytime i have an appointment or i have to stay in a waiting room i have bad anxiety and sometimes panick attack, but i take the habit to have a little text block for drawing in my purse and a cute pen, drawing help me a lot, while i draw i totally forget what i have aroud and my anxiety it goes down.
Finally i start doing my comfort box (an help for anxiety), i chose this box that is very pretty and i add some cute stickers (i love stickers), inside and outside.
Today i had the visit in front of a commission because, like i talk about in the this post, i asked for an help. I was in a state of anxiety and panick for a week, because of the visit, but has been super fast, just some questions about how i feel and my difficulties in life. I sayd them that i was in total … Continue reading Disability Benefits with bipolar disorder
Yesterday my psychiatric had suggest me the electroconvulsive therapy, and i dont’t take the thing well. Not at all. Honestly i feel like he sayd me that there is nothing to do for me, that i’m a lost cause, that i’m pratically dead. Yes, my depression is major and the meds doesn’t help a lot, but i’m here and i fight! I fight everyday!!! Is … Continue reading Electroconvulsive therapy
Today i have to go to the doctor for request an aid for disability. A caos of papers because in Italy they can’t use the pc apparently. Btw, i’m scared by the idea of be in front of a group of people that have to decide if i’m “enough” disable. My social phobia doesn’t help, but that aid can really help me to buy medicine … Continue reading Percentage of disability
This days aren’t the best, some people that i care are sick so i’m very worried for them, but Halloween is a good way for distract myself a little. I have done a make up inspired from the character “Alice Angel” from the game “Bendy And The Ink Machine”
Today i went at the comics & manga’s fair with my sister and her two friends. I was a little anxious for my social phobia but is went all ok, i had fun. The depression was there all time in the background of my brain, but i simply ignored it.
As i’m not enough depressed, the depressional season hits me like a train. I wanna only sleep, i’m tired of living, i have the energy of a sloth. I just wanna stay in bed and watch the wall.