Today i went at the comics & manga’s fair with my sister and her two friends. I was a little anxious for my social phobia but is went all ok, i had fun. The depression was there all time in the background of my brain, but i simply ignored it.
As i’m not enough depressed, the depressional season hits me like a train. I wanna only sleep, i’m tired of living, i have the energy of a sloth. I just wanna stay in bed and watch the wall.
I’m going to the psychiatrist, finally (?) and i’m anxious, i’m always anxious, but now because i have the fear of not say what i have to say, everytime i go i can talk pretty easily, but nothing can keep away this fear of can’t explain myself.
Also most of the times i just forgot important things to ask and i only remember them when i’m already at home, of course.
No is not salsa is the life with my mental illness, every time something is better after few days is start to get worse. Of course is typical of bipolar to have up and down, but the only thing i want is a minute, just a minute of quiet, when i can relax. Continue reading “One step forward, one step back”
Yeah a time of joy, btw the feeling i hate the most is coming in this days: anger. I hate be angry for no reason, that is common in hypomanic state but i can’t support it, i feel the urge to throw object and smash all i can reach…i just want to chill and don’t damage my things, they cost. Continue reading “Nosense anger, fatigue and stomach ache”
Most of the time i try to take distance from problems, mine or my country’s problems, because everything hurt me 100 times more than usual, but at the same times is better get informed because is important for my future, buuut future? Then i think that anyway i don’t have a future so who cares!
But in the end i can’t stay distant and if i try i feel guilty or irresponsible, so i don’t know, i live of big “i don’t know”, i’m just here, now i feel like this in an hour? I don’t know.
I feel like an equilibrist trying to find the right balance with my meds. At the end go to the doctor it wasn’t scary, but my anxiety don’t wanna understand. The doctor have changed my meds again because in the last month i had a very bad acne and my memory is getting worse. Continue reading “I’m an equilibrist”