As i’m not enough depressed, the depressional season hits me like a train. I wanna only sleep, i’m tired of living, i have the energy of a sloth. I just wanna stay in bed and watch the wall.
I’m not very ok at the moment, sorry for eventual grammar horror (more than usual), but i need to vent. I can’t use the apps i usually use because i just probably broke my new phone. I’m the “nerd” of the family the one that “understand pc and stuf”, but in this period no, not at all. I get confuse a lot of times and i do a lot of errors, like delete system app on my phone and now is in boot load, the reset doesn’t work. Continue reading “I’m a useless piece of trash (vent)”
No is not salsa is the life with my mental illness, every time something is better after few days is start to get worse. Of course is typical of bipolar to have up and down, but the only thing i want is a minute, just a minute of quiet, when i can relax. Continue reading “One step forward, one step back”
Yeah a time of joy, btw the feeling i hate the most is coming in this days: anger. I hate be angry for no reason, that is common in hypomanic state but i can’t support it, i feel the urge to throw object and smash all i can reach…i just want to chill and don’t damage my things, they cost. Continue reading “Nosense anger, fatigue and stomach ache”
Most of the time i try to take distance from problems, mine or my country’s problems, because everything hurt me 100 times more than usual, but at the same times is better get informed because is important for my future, buuut future? Then i think that anyway i don’t have a future so who cares!
But in the end i can’t stay distant and if i try i feel guilty or irresponsible, so i don’t know, i live of big “i don’t know”, i’m just here, now i feel like this in an hour? I don’t know.
My “diet” (no pasta, no bread, no sweets) is going good the day but really terrible at night. Two days ago i exaggerated with the emptying of the fridge, i ate too much and i get a indigestion, i past all the night crawling on the floor of the bath. This will teach me a lesson? Nah, i will probably start eating at night again in 2-3 days, damn. Now stomach ache leave me quiet.
I finish now at the dentist, i can’t feel half of my mouth, but at least i didn’t had panic attack and that’s great. I did repair the broken tooth, but i have to go a lot of times more, pratically the 75% of my teeth have caries.